does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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