i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are two peas in an std pod
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
