either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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