Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
