Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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