my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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