1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
