I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize