Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
