That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
