i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
