Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
