he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's just like the Real World with babies
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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