I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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