my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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