she was so not down for the gang bang
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
