big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
