I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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