I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
