I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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