Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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