i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
