I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
