I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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