i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
