your parents love me but you hate me
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
