how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
