I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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