TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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