Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
