Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
