I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
