They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
