Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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