cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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