Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
