Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
