i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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