I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize