if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
sex in a hospital.. check
Dicks are not precious.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
