Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
