it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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