What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You ruined the universe
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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