Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
