You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
