Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
