dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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