Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
