I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
