im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
