I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
