I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
