I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
