see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
