God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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