It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
