I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
