you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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