Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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