i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
