I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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