I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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