Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You need a sexual gate keeper
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
