I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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