You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
