I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
