I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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