my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
