i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
