um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
