Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
