Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
