So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize