he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
